Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Anders Interview

If you have anything at all in common with me you have probably hung out at the 700 Club a lot over the years. If you're not from Philly, the 700 club is a bar in the Northern Liberties section of the greater Philadelphia area. There stands one of my favorite bartenders, Anders "Manders" Larson. He is slightly foreign, but provides great service. He will have my favorite drink ready and waiting on the bar as soon as he sees me outside locking up my bike. His interview was composed on a bunch of used post it notes that we kept passing to him at the bar last Sunday. Here are the questions he chose to answer.




 
1. HOW TENDER ARE YOU TO THE BAR?

Like the Hellenic Narcissus was to his own reflection (before the curse of Ameinias forced suicide upon him), if you must know. It's not like scraping butter on toast…

2. WHAT IS THE FANCIEST DRINK YOU CAN MAKE?

Updog.

3. WHAT'S UPDOG?

...

4. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? IS THAT WHY YOU WORK HERE?

I'm trying to come up with a "piece of the piety" joke…

5. WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO A LEMON DROP?

No. Thank you.

6. WHAT DO YOU WEAR WHEN YOU'RE WORKING OUT? IS IT JEANS AND A LEATHER JACKET LIKE JOHN REDDEN?

Did someone invent him?

7. WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?

The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. It's like Old City populated with people from Kensington.




8. NAME 5 BEERS FAST!

Now what?

9. WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?

I care enough to maintain a deep, sincere apathy.

10. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE RAP LYRIC?

No, it's insufferable. If I were to dress like a Magpie child and vapidly tell everyone how great and dangerous I am I'd justifiably get beaten up. Albanians are kind of like that, too. Maybe they started off as sheep herding rappers.

11. DO YOU HAVE A BABY?

My girlfriend once told me "Anders, I will never retard my children with your genes."

12. WOULD YOU WEAR A THONG IF SOMEONE GAVE IT TO YOU AS A GIFT?

This is what prompted the above statement.

13. WHAT REALLY GOES ON IN THE BASEMENT?

Plan B: Exfiltration.

14. HOW MANY 700 HATS DO YOU OWN?

Including the ones I sell to Carla?

15. DID YOU SELL A USED HAT TO CARLA?

It wasn't used as a hat...

16. HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO DRINK BEFORE YOU FLAG ME?

Do you want to buy a hat? 


 

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